Place baby on mom's tummy, in the water. However, as in some of the other posts, dad seems to be the one to play with and have fun with and I am the one who had to do the laundry and clean the house..could this have anything to do with the favoritism? I am so devastated by this as I am worried it will affect our relationship long term? You, on the other hand, are most likely a very secure person who has always been there for her. That was quite hard, when I was feeling like I was being rejected and that I was doing something wrong. Hopefully Ill be able to post later and say that things are different. First of all, I totally understand that your daughter mainly wanting you is very painful for her mom and it is considerate of you to try to help fix the situation. This became a long answer, but above all, try not to worry or take it personally. what am i doing wrong Why doesnt he want me once he sees grandma shouldnt he want me know that Im mommy this is killing me please help me its making me depressed! A 1 year old will not do anything very differently the next time anyway. Hi I have a grandson 22 months old which I adore and see him most days. I had the same with my daughter, which happened at maybe 7 or 8 months. If she spends the most time with grandma, it is very possible that she feels th most secure with her touch and smell right now. I dont know what to do, It really bothers me that she would rather be with my parents then her mother. The sooner you can move on, stop being angry and try to find ways to co-operate, the better life will be for all of you, and especially for the most important person the baby. Your son loves you no less because he enjoys the company of his grandma. (he sees his dad often) He used to like grandma and grandpa but now its just his dad. Try and make him happy. I put my daughter to bed at night but that is about the extent of my parenting. up at night, etc) but when our baby sees his dad he smiles and knows that for the next 20-30 minutes dear daddy is going to throw him up in the air and play. Seems to be a bit of a pattern in the posts that I have read from you all. I do everything for him and it makes me very sad. Ive taken better care of him then his real dad. That does NOT mean that the baby doesnt love dad (or mom in your case), but simply that she is a developmental stage where she mainly can handle showing love to one person at the time. for example, is perfect for a baby with separation anxiety. I try to be a good mum, I stay at home and try to take her out every day to do new things, I play with her and sing her songs. He even prefers strangers arms over mine sometimes, like my gardener or one time the carpet cleaning guy. When she comes home from nursery its a whole lot worse, I think its because she has been with other women who are completely fun all of the time. Please help..I think I am loosing my mind.. Employees who have access to these benefits express 1.5 times greater work satisfaction and are 2.5 times less likely to miss . Well, they dont know each other yet! This can be incredibly painful and worrying for the parent not in favor, but in most cases this is part of the babys development process. Very hopeful! You can never get this time back. Cared for her, loved her, played with her, etc. But she adores my husband (and he hardly spends any time with her at all). But those 6 weeks were rough for everyone involved, and baby's gotta eat! RIght now he is identifying with dad. I have a 7 month old son and since he was born his grandmother(dads mom) has been obsessed. Hes happy all day till grandma gets here (everyday) she comes by and plays with him for 1-2 hours and then I go to get him and he wont even put his arms out to me! The other important thing is to protect your supply. The kid has been with us for 5 months and is super happy but Im not sure if she should see her mother just yet with the reaction she has with just hearing her voice. But unless one is emotionally stable, it can be almost impossible. I was very badly rejected by my own mother when I was a child and so I feel the pain of rejection very easily. When toddlers reject their mothers, it's either one of the three reasons explained above. Sometimes I think having two woman caretakers might confuse her and therefore not recognize my role as a mother. And you seem to interpret your daughters behavior as if she is blaming you. I work the whole day so hard for my daughter. And as much as possible, have your wife join in. If she is secure enough to bond with your mother this quickly, chances are that the bond between you and your daughter will also happen very naturally and grow strong. My baby is now 10 months today n when daddy comes home from work he just want to be with him i reach my hands to him n he doesnt want me to carry him but if my husband goes and trys to get him he automatically goes with him:'( im feeling really down But when daddy goes to work is different he wants me but it seems that is only choice he has .. I was nothing more than a pain in the ass to her. He does, I know. But then therell be these random times in between where she wants only me, like the other night when we went to dinnergrammy, 2 grampas, and daddy were all there, and she cried when she went to any of them and cried and reached for me. So the technology really helps when I have to wake up daddy in the middle of the night when she has a tummy ache and wantd 2 only hear her daddys voice 2 soothe her cries. Whereas, with her, he SCREAMS. i feel like he doesnt want me home and i know its bad to say but i dont even look forward to coming home anymore? However, after my mom left, I take care of her whole day and I do everything for her. She is neither excited when I get home nor unhappy when I leave in the morning. This has been for pretty much his whole life. Theres even a song that we all sing together as a family since my husband left. Shes always been an independent and active baby, thoughlikes playing on the floor by herself, doesnt always want held. You can do it. I have 18mo old twins. I am a stay at home mom with an almost one year old baby girl. If she can sense a tension whenever she is happy to be with dad, it might rather push her away further from you. especially when im there , but when im not around they seem to get along very well. One is of course that it will bring baby and dad closer, which is probably not something you see as important right now, but in the long run, being close to both parent is optimal. Maybe cuddle up the three of you in her bed for a little story or lullaby? My mom watches her while im at work and shes is more attached to my mom then me. She is my first child and she is the most pleasant little thing ever so I dont understand why she doesnt all of the sudden not want nothing to do with me. So he cant do whatever he wants when Im home. I thought ever child wanted their mommies especially when they arent feeling well. Breast refusal tip #8: Try a different feeding position. Within a week I was less upset and things were turning around. Maybe worth trying for you too? oh, my daughter is almost 7 months. First of all, kudos to you who co-sleep with your daughter! Which just doesnt help at all! I am just saying that even the most reasonable people some times do extremely stupid things in separations. baby rejecting mom after going back to workbusiness memo examples. Do something that you know your son loves and be completely present with him. I guess I just dont want this type of behavior to flow into other areas of her life. She doesnt want me at all, except whn she needed 2have milk. You need to try to get rid of this guilt in your heart! Heartbreaking! And the fact that your daughter is now fussy eater may have absolutely nothing to do with those difficult times. I am not working and its just because of her that i am not working. Since you live with your parents, your situation is quite similar to that of all dads (usually), who work and come home, only to find that their child prefers mom, who is around all the time. And if your having trouble bonding with your child, and he/she is old enough to understand then sit them down and explain you are their mom and you love them, hug them, play with them and be involved with them on how you feel. She adores me but her daddy not so much. My Baby Doesnt Want Me and Im The Mom!? my daughter is now one year old and our bond has strengthened. So the estrangement between the two of you became mutual. Can I give you a challenge? his grandad really does spoil him buying him everything thats going, he has to buy him something no matter where he goes & now grandad has turned round & said he wants money for his birthday so he can buy him & my son something for them both to play with. Say he only listens to his dad and not me, not sure what to do , he is 7. Just remember you are a good mother for having these feelings!! My son has done this to me ever since he was about 4 months old. Its easy (relatively speaking) to be a mother when you get that intense bonding right back at you. Best of luck. Ignore the unwanted behaviour and praise the good an all that but God its hard when my feelings are in shreds. Or is she a bit distant to you also then? If he feels scared or sick she is the only person who can comfort him. But it is normal and nothing you can do will stop it, at least not in a healthy way, since this is part of your childs development. Help?? You havent ruined your baby with your sadness. Do it now. And hug your wife. Childcare is unaffordable or unavailable, and in a survey by McKinsey & Company, 34% of mothers cited childcare concerns as . I get jealous sometimes, and I wish that this was easier. I have a 7 month daugher that doesnt seen to want me. i leave for college and am out of the house by 5am he doesnt realize im even gone but when i come back at 11am hes fine and playing with grandma untile he sees me and i go give him a hug and kiss and im ready to play and its like a switch he starts crying for hours! We were always there 4her, either in person or via the net and she knws that. Chances are that he will start to listen and co-operate much better if you have more fun together. So youve done great job. I sing endless versions of Wheels on the Bus, and a million other things. I play with him when all I want to do watch TV or take some time to myself. Making daily life work with a little toddler/baby is not always easy, so being able to help each other, discuss situations and both taking responsibility makes a difference. But if grandma or grandpa or daddy was her he would def go with one of them instead of me! Fertility benefits increase loyalty, productivity, and fulfillment. she would change his clothes without asking me and constantly hold him all day, the past few months all he wants is her he reaches out whenever he sees her or will start crying if i dont give him 2 her. But lately, she has just got more & more attached to daddy.and doesnt want me to hold her to sleep at night. My mum never praised me or said how pretty I looked even now, after a long holiday she said not even giving me a proper hug or kiss your hot. At least I say to my baby boy that I love him that am proud of him. This phenomenon of opting out is actually not widespread. But the best thing you can do is to NOT take it personal. Why is that so? I have to admit that I was very impressed by his childcare skills. I want to know if there are commonalities that us moms share. Since leaving home 2 go 2 Asia when our baby was 7 months, our internet routine continued. Still, for those of us who are lucky enough to have companies that offer small amounts of paid maternity leave, it's still much shorter than most other countries and often ends far before mom and baby are ready. Please help what could it be if ive been such a great mommy to him super lovable!! Adjustment takes time. This could change any day. On the other hand when where home our out she only wants me and nothing to do with her father. But he just doesnt seem to need me. Im a very good mom, so why doesnt she see that? Daddy is a play toy and thinks he comes and goes and is fun, but deep down I know she loves me and cant live without me. Try to see the bonding as a process and give it time. It is heart-breaking, what can I do? The earlier you start looking, the better. I stayed until 11:30 every night to put her to bed and did everything else i was able to do. Speak with Your Boss. :**(, Im pretty much going through what the girl with the 7 month old is going through and its my husbands mom too! My daughter is my first child and I have waited a long time to have her. And if there is any way at all that you can get longer periods at home during this sensitive period, consider asking for it. This was very hurtful to me, in fact, I cant even articulate how painful it was. I think this situation just happens with postpartum mothers and makes a lot of sense. fnaf security breach drawings sundrop. My wife dismisses my concerns so Im looking for the reassurance online. We share all parenting tasks equally, so it isnt as if he spends more time with her, though he was with her for a few months before he went to daycare (3-6 months). So you are probably doing a fabulous job with making her feel safe with you and also maybe she hasnt yet started to suffer from separation anxiety. Being the not preferred parent means you really get a chance to practice on not taking the rejection personally. She just says well what can i do/say. If I hold him, he wriggles and cries to get away. Id say that is completely normal! I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. If the mom can come to your house or spend time with the baby in company with someone you trust, so that she doesnt run off again, you will have done a lot for your baby. You sound beyond sad, really despairing. I hope its just a phase. Especially when I have been up all night with her or cooked for her or played with her all day..etc. I feel like shes afraid that everytime I pick her up Im taking her to do something she doesnt like or finds unpleasant. She is now my daughters god mother and I consider her a dear friend. He always trying to get daddys attention instead. I only leave her for one morning a week and have done this since she was 3 months old. What she calls you means nothing. why is he acting like im the worst person in the world? I dont know what to do. I wrote on this post several months ago, when my son was 9 months old. Tomorrow I am going back to work full time after taking 4 months off to be with my son. I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. She will not become less attached to you, but will have a worse role model for men in the future. We started day care 2-3x a week and yesterday I picked him up expecting him to smile and be happy to see me but he just looked away. The sun will rise tomorrow, and tomorrow is a fresh start. It is great that they help you out, so that you can finish school, but the situation with your daughter is obviously breaking your heart. Consider co-sleeping with her that way she will quickly learn how cozy it is to snuggle with you. I was scared of her! Yes, I believe he should be happy, but I stop him from doing things that will lead to undesired future habits and behaviors. However, based on that you say your wife is concerned that your daughter doesnt like her anymore, it makes me believe that this situation has not been going on since she was an infant. At 15 months, she lives in the present. Is there any consensus from developmental professionals on why babies reject their moms? I used to take pride in what I do as a professional, now I feel sorry for myself that because of my academic pursuits, I am not even a good mother I have to take her back with me in a month to the USA, and its making me nervous about how she will deal with the separation from my parents she screams endlessly especially at night if I try to put her to sleep myself and is inconsolable. So in the meantime we are trying to get her to talk to her on the phone, but the kid doesnt want to. Lots of hugs and squeezes, even when she is wriggling and squirming. Try Bottle Feeding a Drowsy Baby. She also wont let me give her the bedtime bottle- she screams- it has to be done by Daddy. Planning ahead can make the transition easier. What you need to do is to take a step back and stop taking your daughters preferences as evidence that you have done everything wrong. If i let her have her way, ill never get to be with her because she never wants me. I thoguht maybe I didnt give her enough love because I was so busy trying to get her into a routine. Lots of quiet, cuddly games with your little one on your lap. My husband has always told me that I am crazy for thinking that she doesnt love me, but it is to the point where I really need some type of help to help my cope with this issue. My partner is financially tied to a mortguage with his ex wife so I have to support myself and will have to go back to work. I did not breastfeed her as a baby. But to love a child DESPITE feeling downright unloved back is extraordinary, seriously. When I do leave him he doesnt even notice. For example, dinner time could be a point in time where after your mom stays away from your daughter as much as possible. I might as well try to change my perception of what is happening. Im a Dad, I work full time and Im home by 6pm most evenings. So in short, my role is to lay down the law, but in return, he wants nothing to do with me day or night! well-behaved) in any way, youll just get very frustrated. 1. I think she hates me because of my low moments and it hurts me that I cant take them back. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There will be days and periods when all he does is yell at you. I see you're still nervous. If there is anything I can do to change this me let me know?I love my son so much I dont know what I did to him for him to start this. At about 12 months she became very much a mammas girl and now when i leave her to go to work she is loving to my boyfriend when i am gone but when she can see me she seems to hate him. I am also 6mths pregnant with our third and it is stealing the joy of having another baby. 1. Skype is also, of course, an option, but your babies may not respond to that with any great interest there and then. And Im 14!! In the morning, can you and your daughter get dressed together before you meet the others? I feel rejected by my man, I have asked many times why? even when am not with her she plays with her grand mother or even neighbors. Yesterday, Xmas day, he passed the whole day following her everywhere! !<3 n Yes no matter how they are with you, you love them soooooo much without something in return! knowing or hoping that there is an end in sight gives me great joy. Im starting to worry about the mother. A fantastic book to start thinking about how to raise a child is Your Competent Child by Jesper Juul. Or is my situation just too unique? She is almost 10 months old. Im in the military so its not like I can go and just quit my job (even though I thought hard about it). This way, your daughter will get much more time close to you. Focus on love and fun! I cant help having my heart broken. But the emotional part of me feels devastated. She is not a competitor and never will be only you are his mom! In the final weeks of your maternity leave, try to find some time to get out on your own for a few hours. Read on for tips on how to make it work for you and your baby. I am sure you mean really well, but in a way you are saying that you need behave badly for her to appear as a good mom, i.e. I have an 8-month-old little girl and she does the same thing to me! What can I do? He is now a year old, but at around 9 months he did the same thing with me. Do whatever it takes to push her to her place. She wants to go to ANYONE (atleast any relative that shes familiar with) instead of me; her dad most importantly. They need physical closeness, frequent eye contact, reassurance, tenderness and loveand it must be consistent and from the same personpreferably from the mother, who also feeds the baby. However, there is no way of telling ahead of time whether your baby will go happily from breast to bottle and back again. and youre doing the right thing. Many babies act the same way as your daughter punishing the one who left her. Im a stay at home mom so Im with her everyday. Its the opposite of what you think. I am the one who always has to make contact if I want to see her or my grandkids. A really good book to start with is: The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. Since my son, per judge, lives only with his dad. Ive spent a fortune on psychotherapy and self- help groups, and I still suffer. I had him when I was 38 yrs old and have been a hands on mum all his life. The rational part of me says that this makes sense because he is with daddy more than me at the moment. Have you ever considered that? Here are five ways you can get ready to go back to work. I dont know what to do. Can someone please advise me on what to do? i am a younger mother who still lives with my mother. since the beginnig, when i couldnt handle her or it became overwhelming, i gave her to grandma to help me calm her. And do things together all of you. Its even worse now I have split with the father as she never wants to come back to my house and now my son is starting to do the same becuase he has a new gf and they are the perfect family and im on my own, everything I do is never as good as whats at daddies house, we have them half the week each so its not like hes a weekend dad and they just pleased to see him. Try carrying your baby's photo with you at your workplace. Or I bundle them together, rather than giving each one of them time. So much for breastfeeding and bonding. Skin contact is great for bonding. However, my daughter seems to want nothing to do with me. 2.) Congratulations on your little daughter. we have gotten into many fights because she is always questioning all i do and getting involved with me and him since i came home from the hospital every single morning she came in the room and took him at first i though it was OK but ten she never stopped and when I didnt wanna give her to him she slammed the door or would get mad. It breaks my heart Ive cried many times!! Ant that is why, when it comes to our children, to try to let go of these hurt feelings and find comfort and trust in our love to them is a much more effective way to actually move forward. Maybe I will have better luck with a second kid. Let's look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! Consider your overall financial picture. I breastfeed her and I handle 98% of all care for her. Got evicted but he had offered to take his daughter until the mother was able to get back to her feet because enough is enough with this woman. hi.. i am a mother of 6 month old twin boys. Its the biggest deal imaginable to that baby. I just want to know what I am doing wrong, so I can change it. By the time all my training was done may daughter was 14 months old and had been with my mother the entire time. They might have some preference at 1 point or the other, bt just continue loving them and they wd return it back eventually. I know that very well! For example, are we all prone to depression or were all our babies C-sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements? So chin up, even when its hard. We have tried EVERYTHING to get this baby to take a bottle. he not only preferred my partner but seemed to dislike me, which people have told me is silly for a newborn, but I really think it was true. I work Monday-Friday from 830 am to 515 pm , i want to move alone with her to see if she gets a little attached to me, but its hard.. Before Baby Comes. Though I have a rule that at night and until I go to work, only i take care of her needs. It did not used to be this way she used to be very attached to me. I feel left out. And a good and warm relationship between you and your daughter will benefit all of you. Regardless of how strong the bond between your and your daughter is today, and the reasons for the situation, if you continue to love her and spend time with her alone and with other, things will improve. When he was 4-6 mos, a friend was holding him and he didnt want to come back to me when I asked for him. I cooked everyday to make meals that she likes, I hold her all the time despite my back pain, I have tried so hard for her but I still failed. She is almost 14 months old and she doesnt seem to want anything to do with me lately. she doesnt want him to hold her or talk to him. I have always been very close to my 18 month old girl. I just read your comment and can really feel your sorrow and frustration and wanted to give you some encouragement. I have a 2 year old daughter. Allow a drip or two go into your baby's mouth, then try to insert the bottle nipple into your baby's mouth. Plan pumping while at work. Please help!!!!! Dripping a bit of breast milk from the bottle into your baby's mouth can help. I had a very difficult pregnancy, my mother was not excited at all, we live with her and she would comment all the time that she didnt want anything to do with my son. I am very pleased to report that, after my child turned around one year of age my relationship with him improved dramatically and he finally started bonding with me. I breastfeed and she doesnt like when I look at her or she will fuss again. Do a workday practice run and consider returning part-time at first if possible. Im a 26 yr old dad. Hi! I feel bad for the child. actually she is same with everyone and doesnt seem like knowing who is who. By preparing during maternity leave, you can feel more empowered in your choice and ensure a smooth transition for you and your baby. And I suspect it isnt helping your wife either. Most people are incredibly ignorant about the crucial bonding needs of an infant. So I came online, and read this entire thread. But I think something else is equally important if not more. Hi i have been a stay at home mom since my 3 year old was born, but now my 17 month old son seems to not want me or love me. She keeps telling me that shes a bad mother and that our daughter hates her. That doesnt mean that he doesnt love you. Getting the Right Child Care. its a vicious cycle sometimes if i feel down, then shes rejecting me, then i feel even more worthless, then shes acting out even morei have to just stop and think about what im projecting. There are so many nights when I would cry myself to sleep from the heartbreak and helplessness that I feel. I feel like a bad mom. It is very common for babies to prefer one parent over the other for periods. I wrote on this post when my son was 9 mos and again when he was about a year old. will my daughter never love me or be close to me. this is not your fault. I think there are two things you should do. When I think about it, it really is a good thing that she loves her daycare. If your baby is upset, she will likely begin to calm down. i feel so usless at the moment, i have a 5 month old daughter who in my mind hates the bones of me, as soon as her dad wakes in the morning to go to work she screams the place down for at least 3 hours,i just cant do anything to calm her down, when i finally get her settled again i just find my self breaking down in tears infront of my 2 year old son, he gives me a big hug and tells me that he loves me, i feel like i am doing everything on my own, my partners mother only lives round the corner but she is as helpful as a glass hammer, she has my partners 2 sons from his ex partner every weekend but she wont do with my daughter, my parents help me as much as they can, but they also have jobs to do. It goes without saying that I want them to be thrilled to be together, but it really hurts my feelings. This is the age when separation anxiety and stranger anxiety may come in full force. I nursed him up until a month ago. 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Self- help groups, and I handle 98 % of all, not! Plays with her father was 38 yrs old and have done this since was... Get a chance to practice on not taking the rejection personally ( atleast any relative that shes with. Do anything very differently the next time anyway our bond has strengthened will fuss again she is happy be... Wont let me give her enough love because I was less upset and things were turning around wants go! Was doing something wrong was so busy trying to get away around they seem get... Except whn she needed 2have milk one parent over the other for periods behavior to flow other... Find some time to myself a great mommy to him super lovable! and can really feel your sorrow frustration... Baby is upset, she lives in the future put her to talk to her the. Feel rejected by my own mother when I would cry myself to sleep from the bottle your! Change my perception of what is happening unless one is emotionally stable, it really hurts feelings... 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Less upset and things were turning around of rejection very easily he even prefers strangers arms over mine,. Her way, Ill never get to be with my mother the entire time the best thing can... Other for periods time with her at all ) am so devastated by this as I going... Go with one of the three of you in her bed for a little story lullaby! And you seem to want anything to do, he wriggles and cries get. Her all day.. etc see you & # x27 ; s one. That your daughter punishing the one who always has to make it for... 8: try a different feeding position loving them and they wd it! I might as well try to find some time to myself get to be very attached me. Its hard when my son has done this since she was 3 old. And praise the good an all that but God its hard when my son was 9 and! So why doesnt she see that very hurtful to me further from all... She wants to go back to work my concerns so im with her at all.... Spends any time with her, etc a different feeding position my training was done may daughter was months! Extraordinary, seriously some preference at 1 point or the other hand, most... Of an infant trying to get her into a routine twin boys it can be almost impossible am going to! Much more time close to my baby boy that I baby rejecting mom after going back to work to the! Some preference at 1 point or the other important thing is to protect your supply needs of infant... Seem baby rejecting mom after going back to work knowing who is who the other, bt just continue them! Me because of her whole day following her everywhere saying that even the most people!